, published past times Columbia University Press. Dr. LaSala is manager of the MSW plan in addition to associate professor at the School of Social Work at Rutgers University. He has been inwards practise for to a greater extent than than twenty-five years in addition to he currently treats LGBT individuals in addition to families at the Institute for Personal Growth inwards Highland Park, NJ. (http://www.ipgcounseling.com/). Dr. LaSala lately completed a Fulbright Fellowship inwards Republic of Estonia where he investigated the impacts of stigma on Estonian lesbians in addition to gay men. In add-on to his majority in addition to numerous scholarly publications, you lot tin forcefulness out read his blog on Gay in addition to Lesbian Well-Being on PsychologyToday.com I had the pleasance of coming together Dr. LaSala when he came to Temple University to give the 2011 Social Work Research Lecture, sponsored past times Temple’s School of Social Work in addition to Center for Intervention in addition to Practice Research. He gave a real engaging in addition to informative speak to students in addition to faculty nigh his federally funded, qualitative study of 65 families of gay in addition to lesbian youth. One of the surprising findings inwards his study was that some of the immature people he interviewed “wanted to reveal their sexual orientation to their mothers in addition to fathers because they believed that their parents could supply the back upwards they needed to create out amongst the challenges of existence gay” (LaSala, 2010, p. 55). Ok, hence what’s surprising nigh kids wanting their parents support? Well, until recently, it was merely form of assumed that direct parents wouldn’t live on supportive if in addition to when they establish out their kid was gay or lesbian. Gay in addition to lesbian children oftentimes establish themselves disowned, kicked out of the house, cut-off financially, in addition to fifty-fifty abused. As a resultant private therapists in addition to programs for LGBT youth focused on finding back upwards networks - peers, friends, gay in addition to lesbian adults, direct supporters, people who became the youth’s “chosen family” - who could supply emotional, fiscal in addition to emergency back upwards when biological families turned their backs on their LGBT kids. For decades it was criterion operating physical care for for professionals to back upwards youth to rest “in the closet” until college or into adulthood when they could live on financially in addition to emotionally independent of their parents.
So, ignoring the job solid unit of measurement seemed to brand sense inwards 1980. But, according to researchers similar Michael LaSala, Cindy Conley – whose function on concerns of parents of lesbians in addition to gays was featured inwards Episode 62 of the Social Work Podcast, Caitlin Ryan – who talks nigh her groundbreaking function on the effects of families on the wellness in addition to well-being of gay in addition to lesbian inwards Episode 33 of Living Proof, the podcast serial of the School of Social Work at the University at Buffalo – in addition to others, ignoring the job solid unit of measurement doesn't function hence good for gay in addition to lesbian youth inwards in 2011. And clearly, it didn’t function for the kids inwards Dr. LaSala’s study.
There are a twain of real practical reasons for this recent focus on the job solid unit of measurement of gay in addition to lesbian youth: For one, youth are coming out much younger than inwards the past. According to a 2006 study past times Caitlin Ryan in addition to her colleagues, kids inwards the USA are, on average, thirteen when they come upwards out. For professionals this agency that you’re non dealing amongst kids nigh to graduate from high school, or inwards the middle of college. You’re dealing amongst eighth graders. And there’s a big departure betwixt supporting a graduating senior to rest inwards the cupboard for iii months hence that her parents won’t spend upwards to pay for college, in addition to supporting an eighth grader to rest inwards the cupboard for 5 to half dozen years.
We’ve also learned that that parental back upwards matters to adolescents. Even though peer influence increases during adolescence, it turns out that parents in addition to families play a huge role inwards whether kids do good or do poorly. Pop quiz - what’s to a greater extent than of import inwards keeping high schoolhouse students from trying to kill themselves – parental back upwards or peer support? Ok. I know that was a bad popular quiz because I laid you lot upwards for the answer. But, merely to live on clear, it is parental back upwards (Kidd et al., 2006).
The importance of families inwards the wellness in addition to well-being of LGBT youth was highlighted past times the Institute of Medicine's first-ever written report on LGBT health, published inwards Apr 2011. In that report, families were identified every bit "an of import social structure." Now the kids inwards Dr. LaSala's study didn't demand to read an IOM written report to know that. They knew that their families were an of import origin of support. They also knew that coming out wouldn't live on easy, in addition to that's why they wanted to come upwards out to their parents - hence their parents could supply that support. The IOM written report also said that families were "a promising venue for interventions." Dr. LaSala's study, Coming Out, Coming Home, provides valuable insight into the types of interventions that mightiness live on useful amongst families of gay in addition to lesbian youth.
In today's interview, Michael in addition to I talked nigh the 5 stages that families inwards his study described going through before, during, in addition to afterward finding out their kid was gay or lesbian. We talked nigh some of the challenges that social workers human face when a kid hasn't come upwards out to his or her parents. Michael gave some examples of practical in addition to useful indirect questions that therapists tin forcefulness out job amongst immature clients whom they suspect are questioning their sexual orientation, but are ambivalent nigh discussing it. We talked nigh how managing stigma was a job solid unit of measurement affair. We ended our conversation amongst a give-and-take nigh empirical back upwards for family-based function amongst gay in addition to lesbian youth, every bit good every bit resources for social workers interested inwards learning more.
And now, on to Episode 66 of the Social Work Podcast: Coming Out, Coming Home: Interview amongst Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D.
Download MP3 [21:42] Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D., LCSW
Director of MSW Program/Associate Professor
School of Social Work
Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey
536 George Street
New Brunswick, New Bailiwick of Jersey 08901
http://www.michaellasala.com/
http://www.comingoutcominghome.com/
Transcript
Jonathan Singer: Michael, thank you lot hence much for existence hither in addition to talking amongst us today nigh families of gay in addition to lesbian youth. And my get-go interrogation for you lot is what are the stages that families drib dead through?
Michael LaSala: Okay. Of course, that’s an splendid interrogation in addition to that’s fundamental to the premise inwards my book. I became interested inwards looking at job solid unit of measurement stages because the traditional stories nosotros hear nigh kids coming out to their parents is something – it goes something similar this: Kid feels lonely in addition to scared, comes out to his parents, parents are all upset, maybe they reject the child, maybe they don’t. They experience guilty. They experience anxious. They experience worried. They acquire education. They experience better. They comprehend their kid in addition to hence off they drib dead into the sunset.
I strongly suspected that the physical care for was much to a greater extent than complicated. Through my research, my interviews of 65 gay in addition to lesbian youth in addition to their parents, I realized that it wasn’t an private physical care for that parents were going through but instead it was a job solid unit of measurement coming out physical care for in addition to a job solid unit of measurement adjustment process.
And so, I came upwards amongst these 5 stages based on my inquiry interviews: 1) job solid unit of measurement sensitization, which is the stream of fourth dimension earlier the kid comes out but when the kid is starting to come upwards to damage amongst his or her ain sexual orientation. 2) pre-coming out, which is that brief stream of fourth dimension - could live on anywhere from 1 to iii months - where tension is ascent inwards the job solid unit of measurement in addition to especially amid the kid in addition to he feels similar or she feels similar gee, I actually got to do something. I’m, you lot know, busting out of my pare here. 3) job solid unit of measurement discovery, which is when the parents regain out nigh the child’s sexual orientation either because the kid comes out or because the parent confronts the kid in addition to sort of pushes the kid to come upwards out. 4) job solid unit of measurement recovery, which is when the job solid unit of measurement starts to recover from the kid coming out, starts to drib dead through recovery process, get that recovery physical care for in addition to hence stage 5) job solid unit of measurement renewal. Family renewal is a stage where parents in addition to the job solid unit of measurement gets to a betoken where it's closer in addition to stronger than ever earlier than for sure earlier the coming out experience in addition to hence non all families acquire to the job solid unit of measurement renewal stage but some of them do.
Jonathan Singer: In your book, you lot speak nigh this pre-coming out phase, right.
Michael LaSala: Yes.
Jonathan Singer: The minute one. It actually seemed similar it was 1 of the most challenging phases for the kids, the parents in addition to also clinicians.
Michael LaSala: Well, it's real challenging because inwards the families that I interviewed in addition to also inwards some of the families that I receive got done therapy amongst the parents know something is happening but they're non actually sure what. The kid is distancing or seems distressed or seems upset nigh something but nobody is actually talking nigh it.
And hence it's every bit if a balloon is being, is expanding in addition to to a greater extent than in addition to to a greater extent than air is going into it in addition to it's similar it's nigh to explode in addition to hence it's a real tricky fourth dimension I think for families in addition to also clinicians who may regard families who are maxim listen, there's something wrong. There's something incorrect amongst our kid but nosotros don’t know just what it is in addition to hence that’s what makes it hence challenging.
Jonathan Singer: Okay. So, the kid does what it is. It's merely that the parents don’t.
Michael LaSala: The parents don’t. The kid is commonly experiencing some form stress related to his or her sexual orientation. Either the kid is existence bullied inwards schoolhouse in addition to is coming to a boiling point, a romance inwards schoolhouse has broken upwards either a authentic romantic sexual human relationship or a platonic human relationship nigh which the kid had some hopes in addition to wishes for in addition to that tin forcefulness out laid the kid into a crisis in addition to non knowing what to do, non knowing where to plough in addition to the kid becomes upset in addition to hence – hence the parents know something is incorrect in addition to they don’t know what it is.
Jonathan Singer: I think you lot talked about, amongst the folks that you lot interviewed, they said “my miss was actually sweetness in addition to pleasant in addition to hence something happened. I don’t know why she got actually angry, she got actually upset.” And it sounds similar it was at that stage that some of them, some of the parents took their kids for services–
Michael LaSala: Yes.
Jonathan Singer: – in addition to some didn’t.
Michael LaSala: Yes. I think parents had a real difficult time. You could regard from the interviews that they actually struggled amongst did my kid alter because my kid is forthwith an adolescent or did my kid start to drib dead changed in addition to drib dead to a greater extent than irritable in addition to moody because in that location was something else going on. And hence parents needed to sort of do a differential diagnosis if you lot will. There's something – how much of this normal in addition to how much isn’t.
Some parents were actually clear that what was happening wasn’t normal because of the drama of some of the behaviors in addition to hence some were non sure. And so, that’s what made it form of tricky for them. Going dorsum to the pre-coming out phase, why it's also challenging for clinicians is that the clinician may also know something is incorrect but the kid isn't ready to tell what it is.
And so, I had stories inwards the majority if you lot recall of kids who had been sent to regard a therapist or schoolhouse social worker in addition to knew that their job was related to oh my God, I think I’m gay in addition to I don’t know how to grip it but actually didn’t experience comfortable plenty to tell their social worker or their therapist. And to me, this is rather tragic because hither was aid correct in that location for them in addition to they didn’t experience similar they could avail themselves of it.
And what these kids told me was that fifty-fifty if the social worker specifically asked nigh this which the social workers to a greater extent than oftentimes than non do not, they would non receive got told them because hence they thought the social worker volition hence drib dead tell their parents in addition to hence their undercover volition live on out in addition to they're non ready for the undercover to live on out. So, that’s some other big challenge of this pre-coming out phase.
Jonathan Singer: You also talked nigh the challenge of the therapist who think that they should–
Michael LaSala: Oh yes.
Jonathan Singer: – speak nigh this, tin forcefulness out you lot speak nigh that?
Michael LaSala: Okay. Well, I do think a social worker or a therapist who plant actually difficult to acquaint themselves every bit somebody who is actually accepting in addition to tolerant in addition to opened upwards to a person’s sexual orientation in addition to wants the kid to reveal if that’s what the number is, I think those – I think their pump is definitely inwards the correct place. But this is non something that you lot tin forcefulness out force onto a kid or brand them disclose.
I compared it inwards the majority to, you lot know, a kid coming to damage amongst their sexual orientation takes a piece in addition to it's almost similar if you lot human face upwards them also shortly it's similar taking a cake out of the oven earlier it's fully baked. They're merely non ready. Maybe a improve metaphor is almost similar ripping a Band Aid off also shortly off of a wound. It's merely also soon. And most kids I know merely volition stonewall you lot anyway.
So, I think that this is non something you lot tin forcefulness out human face upwards a kid on. I do listing some questions inwards the majority in addition to I borrowed them from some esteemed colleagues who’ve written a majority on, some other majority on job solid unit of measurement therapy amongst these families, some indirect questions that therapists tin forcefulness out inquire if they suspect the kid is gay or lesbian, that form of allow the kid know that if this is something you're struggling amongst I tin forcefulness out grip it.
More similar projective type of questions similar what do you lot think of a man child who falls inwards dearest amongst some other boy? What do think his friends would think? What should a miss do if she has a shell on her best friend? Those kinds of things, I would recommend going at those real gently in addition to gingerly. In the meantime, you lot know, social workers are real concerned nigh surroundings in addition to the environments in, you lot know, inwards which nosotros function amongst our clients, hence if you're seeing clients inwards an role in addition to you lot desire to projection that you lot receive got a positive mental attitude nigh LGBT people hence peradventure in that location should live on magazines, LGBT magazines, rainbow flag somewhere inwards the role that communicates to a kid who may live on struggling who is non quite ready yet to tell anything but communicates to that kid, okay, this is somebody I could in all probability drib dead to in addition to tell if I demand to in addition to I think that’s, that’s what I would recommend.
Jonathan Singer: And it sounds similar having those environmental cues addresses this number that you lot select upwards over in addition to over inwards your majority which is stigma–
Michael LaSala: Right.
Jonathan Singer: – which is this thought that there's, there's stigma in addition to - what did you lot telephone telephone the evil handmaiden - “shame?”
Michael LaSala: Shame, exactly.
Jonathan Singer: Which I thought was a beautiful phrase.
Michael LaSala: Thank you. Yes. But I think that’s truthful I hateful it's beautiful but, of course, tragic inwards a way that people who are – that shame is, of course, the by-product of existence stigmatized in addition to hence if you lot brand your role a identify where this kid is non going to experience that form of stigma then, of course, I think it makes them to a greater extent than opened upwards in addition to to a greater extent than willing or to a greater extent than probable to speak nigh other, speak nigh their issues of sexual orientation, their confusion around that, etc.
Jonathan Singer: And 1 of the things that you lot wrote inwards your majority was that managing stigma is a job solid unit of measurement affair in addition to I think this gets dorsum to your thought that working amongst kids or gay in addition to lesbian isn't merely nigh working amongst kids or gay in addition to lesbians, working amongst their families.
Michael LaSala: Right.
Jonathan Singer: Could you lot speak nigh what you lot meant past times that?
Michael LaSala: Right. What I think – what I thought was hence interesting is that fifty-fifty inwards the best adjusted families, they soundless had to bargain amongst the ongoing number of stigma, that 1 time a kid comes out it's every bit if they’ve taken the stigma ball in addition to handed it to the parents in addition to forthwith the parents receive got to bargain amongst – parents were talking to me a lot inwards this inquiry nigh forthwith when I drib dead to function in addition to somebody says an anti-gay joke, I don’t know what to do.
Should I speak up? Should I not? Should I tell my co-worker that my kid is gay or not? On the 1 hand, it’s actually merely nigh what my kid does inwards bed. But on the other hand, you lot know, it's also nigh my kid’s social life in addition to co-workers are maxim that their children are getting married in addition to they're quest me do you lot receive got kids, are they married, do they receive got a beau or girlfriend. So, to scout – it was real interesting to scout these parents fighting amongst issues that those of us who are gay or lesbian receive got had to fighting amongst all along.
So, what I recommend inwards the majority inwards working amongst these families is that when families are struggling amongst who do I tell? What happens if somebody says a gay joke? Do I tell people at work, etc. that they lean on their kids a fleck because their children inwards many ways may live on experts inwards this expanse in addition to may live on able to shepherd them through some of these things.
Jonathan Singer: Right because the kids receive got had to drib dead through this. I mean, they–
Michael LaSala: Exactly. And commonly receive got had a history of dealing amongst this way earlier they tell their parents in addition to hence that history tin forcefulness out live on used to inform parents nigh okay, how, how does this acquire handled?
Jonathan Singer: There's a lot of pull per unit of measurement area to job empirically supported treatments, evidenced-based practices–
Michael LaSala: Mm-hmm.
Jonathan Singer: – in addition to I’m wondering what your recommendation is. You mentioned a lot inwards this majority about, that this is inquiry but you, you lot inform it amongst your clinical practise in addition to hence if nosotros receive got families or clinicians out in that location that are listening to this in addition to they're thinking yes, I do function amongst these families, am I doing evidence-based practise if I do what Dr. LaSala says?
Michael LaSala: Well, I can't tell that that’s true. As a affair of fact, I think there's a existent shortage in addition to I’m non sure if I tin forcefulness out think offhand of whatever evidence-based practices for this population per se. Certainly, the interventions that I recommend hither are research-informed interventions in addition to the way I regard it is that the inquiry shape the bricks in addition to clinical wisdom is the mortar inwards damage of building, you lot know, clinical practise with, amongst these kinds of families in addition to maybe amongst any, inwards whatever form of clinical practise that would reverberate my opinions nigh that that you lot demand actually a combination.
But all the same I think that a worthy study could live on to select some of the interventions I receive got come upwards up amongst in addition to for somebody to submit them to some empirical testing that that would live on quite interesting.
Jonathan Singer: That would live on a dainty way of furthering the research.
Michael LaSala: It for sure would. I'll live on glad to aid anybody or function amongst anybody who’d live on willing to do something similar that.
Jonathan Singer: All right. So, if you're into this in addition to you're inwards a doctoral plan in addition to you're listening to this, you lot know, you lot tin forcefulness out drib dead to the website in addition to acquire Dr. LaSala contact information.
Michael LaSala: Right.
Jonathan Singer: So, other than your book–
Michael LaSala: Mm-hmm.
Jonathan Singer: – what resources are in that location that you lot could recommend for folks who are interested inwards knowing how to live on improve providers, improve service providers for families amongst gay in addition to lesbian youth?
Michael LaSala: There’s a lot of books inwards the bibliography of my book. I highly recommend though that people consult whether they're clinicians or parents or kids that they consult an organisation called PFLAG in addition to PFLAG is an acronym for Parents, Families in addition to Friends of Lesbians in addition to Gays. PFLAG is an organization, a national organisation amongst chapters, local chapters everywhere in addition to the purpose of this organisation is to supply back upwards for parents in addition to job solid unit of measurement members of lesbians in addition to gays in addition to also to do some political advocacy.
And hence I would recommend – you lot tin forcefulness out drib dead to their website in addition to there's lots of goodness resources there, http://www.pflag.org/. There are a lot of authors that receive got written useful books that volition aid clinicians. There's somebody named Lopata L-O-P-A-T-A who’s written a real interesting majority on how Catholic families fighting amongst this number from a religious perspective. The function of Ritch Savin-Williams who’s a real esteemed colleague of mine.
I receive got non met him yet but I receive got a lot of admiration for his work. The function of Gilbert Herdt, Tony D’Augelli who’s written predominantly articles nigh suicidal – the protective factors of the job solid unit of measurement inwards mental wellness in addition to also the function of Caitlin Ryan out inwards San Francisco, I would recommend every bit well.
Jonathan Singer: Well, that’s great. Well, Michael, give thank you lot you hence much for taking the fourth dimension to speak amongst us today nigh your inquiry in addition to the function that you’ve done amongst these families of gay in addition to lesbian youth.
Michael LaSala: Thank you lot for having me. It's my pleasure.
--END--
References in addition to Resources
- Bernstein, R.A. (2003) Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together (revised edition)
New York: Thunder’s Mouth Press.
- D’Augelli, A. R. (2002) Mental wellness problems amid lesbian, gay in addition to bisexual youths ages 14-21.Clinical Child Psychology in addition to Psychiatry, 7, 433-56.
- D’Augelli, A. R., Grossman, A. H., Salter, N. P., Vasey, J. J., Starks, M. T., & Sinclair, K. O.(2005) Predicting the suicide attempts of lesbian, gay, in addition to bisexual youth. Suicide in addition to Life Threatening Behavior, 35,646-60.
- DeGeneres, B. (1999) Love Ellen, H5N1 woman parent miss Journey.
New York: Ross Weisbach Books.
- Episode 33 - Dr. Caitlin Ryan: Reducing Risk in addition to Promoting Well-Being for LGBT Youth: The Critical Role of Family Support . (2009, Nov 16). Living Proof Podcast Series. [Audio Podcast] Retrieved from http://www.socialwork.buffalo.edu/podcast/episode.asp?ep=33
- Griffin, C. W., Wirth, M. J., & Wirth, A.G. (1996) Beyond acceptance: Parents of lesbians, in addition to gays speak nigh their experiences (updated edition)
New York: St. Martin’s Press.
- Herdt, G., in addition to B. Koff. (2000) Something to tell you: The route families go when a kid is gay. New York: Columbia University Press.
- Institute of Medicine (2011). The Health of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, in addition to Transgender (LGBT) People: Building a Foundation for Better Understanding http://books.nap.edu/catalog/13128.html
- Kidd, S., Henrich, C. C., Brookmeyer, K. A., Davidson, L., King, R. A., & Shahar, G (2006). The social context of adolescent suicide attempts: Interactive effects of parent, peer, in addition to schoolhouse social relations. Suicide in addition to Life-Threatening Behavior, 36, 386 - 395.
- LaSala, M. C. (2010). Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child. New York: Columbia University Press
- Lopata, M. E. (2003) Fortunate families: Catholic families amongst lesbian daughters in addition to gay sons
. Victoria, B.C., Canada: Trafford
- Savin-Williams, R. C. (2001) Mom, Dad, I’m gay: How families negotiate coming out
. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
- Singer, J. B. (Host). (2010, November, 5). Concerns of parents of lesbians in addition to gays: Interview amongst Cynthia Conley, Ph.D. [Episode 62]. Social Work Podcast. Podcast retrieved Apr 3, 2011, from /search?q=concerns-of-parents-of-lesbians-and
- Stone Fish, L., & Harvey, R. G. (2005) Nurturing queer youth: Family therapy transformed.
New York: W. W. Norton & Company
- Ryan, C., Huebner, D., Diaz, R. M., & Sanchez, J., (2009). Family rejection every bit a predictor of negative healthoutcomes inwards white in addition to Latino lesbian, gay, in addition to bisexual immature adults. Pediatrics, 123, 346-362.
- Ryan, C., Russell, S. T., Huebner, D. Diaz, R., Sanchez, J. (2010). Family credence inwards adolescence in addition to thehealth of LGBT immature adults. Journal of Child in addition to Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, 23, 205-213.
APA (6th ed) citation for this podcast:
Singer, J. B. (Producer). (2011, Apr 4). Coming Out, Coming Home: An Interview amongst Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D. [Episode 66]. Social Work Podcast [Audio podcast]. Retrieved from /search?q=concerns-of-parents-of-lesbians-and
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